You Look 12 Years Old

If you scroll down to see the last couple of paragraphs of the message below you will see that he comments to me “You look about 12 in your profile picture.”  Seriously, this guy is going to say that to me and then send a message to try to argue he is right for me?  You look 12 years old…but I’m an old man that likes little girls (gross).  I guess I look young for my age.  People tell me that often.  When they state that they thought I was younger I always ask, “Was it because I look young or is it my maturity level?”  They just laugh…so I figure it’s the maturity level (wrinkles nose).  There are times that I advertise my age on facebook and in coversation because people will treat me differently when they know my real age.  I get treated with a little more respect.

So, anyhoodle, I have a couple of issues with this guy.  His profile indicates that he is 46 years old seeking women 27 – 40 years old.  However, he nonchalantly states in his email that he is 50 years old.  Really?  Lieing about his age and sort of admitting to it, but he is expecting me not to notice he lied in his profile.  How lovely!  Furthermore, he is seeking women that are 23 years younger than him at 27 years of age, and stops at 10 years younger with women who are 40 years of age.  Believe me he wasn’t that hot and really couldn’t aim for the 27 year olds.

Dickwad.

A Time to Heal

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up… – Turn! Turn! Turn!, The Byrds.  Try not to sing that muthafucking song all day.  Mwua ha ha ha.

Can’t sleep, so I’ll blog. Tonight, I gave out a bit of advice to a friend on the phone.  I advised said friend to be alone for a while because everyone needs to mourn the loss of a previous relationship.  I didn’t take my own advice before I signed up for online dating recently.  I signed up for Match the very next day after The Body and I had our bye-bye discussion.  Unfortunately, I believe I’m having issues being open to anything after not allowing myself time to heal.

This week in my Match world:

So far I’ve mentioned Computer Guy who was borderline…well, borderline something.  I’m not a doctor.  Luckily, Computer Guy didn’t send any more texts after Sunday.

I went on a date with a Lawyer from Durango that misrepresented himself in pictures.  I found myself bored with his conversation.  When the hot manager at Atomic Cowboy came up to raise the descended blind next to our booth, I smiled and started a conversation with him.  I know this manager knows me and hopefully secretly finds me appealing too.  I’m in there all the time and he has mentioned in the past that pizza with bacon and banana peppers is his favorite too (it’s what I always order).  I know that was kinda disrespectful of me to flirt with someone in front of the man I was on a date with…but my god the HOTNESS.

I have an upcoming date on Wednesday to play darts with Ice Cream Mogul.  This man was an advertising executive in NY for a very LARGE producer of cable tv.  He quit after surviving several years of 80 hour work weeks to open an ice cream chain in Colorado.  He seems uber attractive from his pictures (please oh please oh please).  He made me laugh a lot when we talked.  He was surprised I even called him back after he left his first voicemail.  The message consisted of him talking to my voicemail then yelling at his GPS to “shut up, I’m trying to talk to Laurie.”  He said goodbye and sighed right before he hung up.  I found that particularly charming ’cause I’m terrible at being brief when leaving a voice message.  Ok, this guy sparks some interest…even though I’m lactarded.

I have a future date set up with Chef next week.  Chef grew up in Pennsylvania like me.  He had been calling all last weekend to chat, but due to lack of sleep I slept through his call and couldn’t quite fit in another phone call.  He didn’t seemed fazed.  I told him to call me to chat Monday night at 8:30 pm.  I totally forgot he was supposed to call and was on my way to Massively Tall Guy’s house for a visit.  Luckily Massively Tall Guy lives in Bumblefuck (Lakewood) and I had some time to talk.  Seems like a real cool guy on the phone and he mentioned that he had “houses” so…there’s that.  I remember getting off the phone and feeling drained.  Feeling drained from my recent breakup that left me the inability to be excited for anyone.  Plus, I am juggling again…rushing off the phone to meet the next guy…stressful.

I’ve also mentioned Massively Tall Guy in a previous blog.  I’ll tell you a bit more about him.  Massively Tall Guy and I met for drinks at Hanson’s pub near Wash Park.  After an hour, he suggested we go to either the Grizzly Rose or the Electric Cowboy.  We elected to go to the Electric Cowboy, which is the BEST place for watching white trash people try to mate.  I believe I was observing a Nova mating rituals video right before my eyes.  It was glorious.  So after a bit, Massively Tall Guy got me out on the dance floor.  I actually went out there with him willingly (possibly because he told me that a previous relationship was a woman who danced competitively).  He fared better than the guy in my previous blog Nurse Guy.  At one point we danced to a slow song and he kissed me on the dance floor.  Now, this would have been something that would have sent chills down my spine from the pure chick flick moment…but I wasn’t that excited.  I have seen him 3x in the last 4 days. Since the second date there are glimmers of excitement now and again.

Good things about Massively Tall Guy: He is 6’10” and has modeled for a Nike campaign in the past.  People turn their heads when we walk into a bar together, and they are not looking at me in my bright yellow coat.  He has a similar look to Alec Baldwin (when he was in Beetlejuice…young and hot Alec).  He has eyes that are a piercing blue green, and I rarely miss an opportunity to look at them.   Massively Tall Guy ended his last relationship 11 months ago and is very much ready to be in a serious relationship.  He even invited me to Cheyenne, WY to visit his friends at the end of March (overnight visit…so we’ll have to figure out the logistics for that soon).  I’m not going to say he’s perfect for me, but he’s pretty darn good.  He’s ready for a serious relationship…and I’m hoping to be ready at some point again ’cause I feel a bit damaged.

I’m Being Pranked

This is the same guy from my previous blog “Flattery Will Get You No Where.”  He didn’t seem to get my gentle persuading last time and really went full force on this one.  To recap: We have not met yet.  We have exchanged a couple texts a day since March 12th, and I received this on the 17th.  He started calling me pet names within a couple days of texting (previous blog “Pet Names”).  I am really wondering if someone is pranking me right now.  I would actually prefer that to someone being a human suction cup and saying that his thoughts are with me forever.  Unfortunately, this guy has a daughter and probably doesn’t date much.  After the “greatest woman in the world” text he sent before, I have not been as responsive to him.  He most likely noticed a shift in my interest and is trying to pull me back in with something romantic.  Or…he seriously doesn’t realize how clingy he is and believes his texts are normal.  If he texts again, I am going to nicely decline further communication.

Flattery Will Get You Nowhere

Well, “Flattery will get you no where” is a lie.  Flattery will get you somewhere with me sometimes.  There’s just a time and a place for it.  Like maybe when you’ve done more than text me for 3 days.

He probably believes he is being a nice guy.  I’m not going to knock him for trying, but I’m getting a little afraid that this is a sign that this guy has potential of being a stage 5 clinger.  I would think it’s romantic for a guy to text me like this after a couple months of dating.  Still a little over the top…I’m not Mother Theresa here.  I’m sure he really is a nice guy and is possibly excited about me.  There is a very subtle cadence to timing in a relationship…this is out of step with the cadence I’m comfortable with.  I’ve done too much too soon and scared people off at times, so I have sympathy for this guy.

I really do want compliments to mean something.  Hopefully somewhere someone will learn from this blog and know that too much too soon can ruin what you are striving for…closeness.  If you’re that “nice guy” and “nice gal” that flatters too soon and wonders why people don’t want the “nice guy” and “nice gal,” know this…empty flattery will only attract empty people.

Pet Names

I think assigning a pet name to a loved one is cute.  I am very much in favor of funny pet names: Bunny Toes, Love Muffin (Lilith called Frasier this once on Cheers), Cuddle Bear, Schmoopy (Seinfeld episode), etc.

So, for the last couple of days I have been texting two men (well actually 3…but 2 I want to talk about) that I’ve met on Match.  One is 6’10” (cue circus music) and one is an Computer programmer currently working on a project in Qatar for 2 weeks. Computer guy sometimes texts late at night ’cause of the time difference.  Here are some texts that kinda shocked me.

Computer Guy: Good Morning Angel How is your night going? (12:15 am, March 13th)
Computer Guy: Good Morning babe how are you doing and how is your night going? I hope this doesnt wake you up. Have a wonderful day. (12:58 am, March 14th)
Computer Guy: Hey Hun how is your day going? Just got done with my paper work for the day. Thinking about you. (1:49 pm, March 14th)…I’m not even going to address the fact he said “thinking of you.”

I thought it was kinda odd that he had already started calling me several different pet names after only exchanging texts since Tuesday. Today Massively Tall Guy did the same.

Massively Tall Guy: So how is your day babe? (9:35 am, March 14th)
Massively Tall Guy: Good. What cha needing a lawyer for babe? (12:34 pm, March 14th)…This one needs explanation. I told him that I was just in a meeting with my attorney. He forgot I was a Paralegal, or maybe who I was.

My friend had an interesting theory that these guys are using pet names because they forgot my name. I would hope they put my name in a contact list so they know who is texting, but not everyone’s smart like me.  I actually would prefer them forgetting my name over these men calling me a pet name this soon. I haven’t even met them yet and my protective wall is up a little high after the breakup. Ok, let’s be honest, even if I hadn’t just ended a relationship I still wouldn’t be keen on being called a pet name in the first week.  I’m not going to have this pet name thing become an issue. I just haven’t reciprocated the pet name calling.  Maybe they just came out of a relationship where it was just normal and comfortable to call the person pet names.

Okay, dear reader, I’ll write later.  Miss me Schmoopy lumps.

My Match.com “Blind” Date

I once went out on a date with someone who did not include a picture in his profile…once.

It was early on in my career of online dating. I was almost 28 years old and decided to use Match for a second or third time. I wasn’t having any luck and was online trolling, which means I was clicking on mens profiles so they would see that I viewed them and hopefully write me (a practice I don’t do anymore because it seems passive). An email from a user popped in my inbox and I viewed his profile. There was no picture. I forget why I wrote him back, maybe there was something in his profile that intrigued me. We went back and forth via email for a short time that night and he asked me for my number. I gave it to him and we chatted on the phone for a couple of hours. I remember being excited about him over the phone, and agreed to meet him sight unseen. I will call this guy Lizard Tongue.

This guy seemed like a good match via the phone. We had a great conversation. I remember him telling me that he was semi-pro in tennis, and I was intrigued. The next day things went to shit. I was in class for my certification to become a paralegal (I received my undergrad in Broadcasting in 2000 and after a few years decided I wanted to go into the legal field). I was sitting in class and we texted a bit back and forth, but I stopped for a bit to pay attention in class. This set off alarm bells for Lizard Tongue. He wouldn’t stop texting me and wondered why I wasn’t in constant communication with him even though I explained I was in class. I’m not sure why, but I took this as proof of his excitement to go on a date with me. I was 28 years old and hadn’t yet learned to identify pure neediness.

After class, he called me and I picked up. He wanted to talk on the phone for another couple of hours. During the conversation, he asked me several times if I was excited to go on our date. The first time I answered truthfully, I was excited. The second, third, and fourth time he asked I was becoming slowly less and less excited. He suggested that when we first see each other we should hug, and I agreed (which is odd for me since I don’t like strangers touching me). Warning bells were starting to go off for me, but I didn’t cancel the date. I wanted to get off the phone because he was causing me communication overload. I told him that I was busy and subtly suggested we hold off on communicating further until we were on the date. He agreed, but told me that he was driving from Delaware (an hour away from where I lived) and would need help with directions. I wanted to meet him at a restaurant; however, he asked if he could meet me at my house and go to the restaurant together since he wouldn’t want me sitting and waiting for him. I told him that I could give him directions to my house (note: this was in 2006 when maps existed on the internet). At the time, I thought he was planning on calling me before he left his house, but didn’t call me until he was getting off of the highway. He asked me to talk him through getting to my house while he was driving the f’ing 15 minutes from the highway to my house. I obliged. There was all of 4 turns to my house from the highway. Only one turn was a left hand turn.

This is a representation of our conversation:
Me: “Go straight until you hit blah blah street and turn right.”
Lizard Tongue: “I am at bouyah street. Do I make this turn?”
Me: “No, you will go straight for 6 more lights until you hit blah blah street.”
Lizard Tongue: “Ok. (Pause). I hit tiddly dee street. What do I do?”
Me: “You have 5 more lights. You will hit blah blah street. Then you turn right.”
Lizard Tongue: “Ok. I’m at hinky dinky street.”
Me: “You have 4 more lights ‘til your turn.”

I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. I think Lizard Tongue could hear the irritation in my voice and stopped asking every light at some point.

He arrived at my house and gave me a hug. I think he could see the disappointment in my face since he was not attractive in any way. I figured I would give this guy a chance and focused on having positive thoughts. We had wonderful phone conversation the previous night; how could he not be a halfway decent date? Oh so young and stupid was I. Dinner was a chore. At the end of dinner we went back to my place. We talked for a short time.  I felt bad sending him home after an hour since it took him an hour to drive to my place.  In a joking manner, I grabbed at his baseball cap and said he should take it off. My MISTAKE.  He grabbed the brim of his hit and said gruffly, “NO.”  Ah, a bald guy, I see.  After a bit, he went in for the kiss.  My young and stupid self decided to go with it, but soon realized it was a mistake. He had a lizard tongue (his tongue either jutted out and forced its way into my face over and over and/or he left it out like a small child sticking his tongue out at an enemy).

I pulled back and just looked at him. He said, “I’m a good kisser, right?” I just stared and contemplated my next move. I said, “I’m not over my ex-boyfriend. I’m sorry, I’m just realizing this now.” He tried to argue with me a bit, but I put my hands on him and rushed him out of my house. He asked me if I would call him tomorrow, and I just said “yes” to get him out of my house. He then asked me to again walk him through getting back to the highway, which I did. The conversation mirrored the conversation outlined above…except he kept asking me whether I would call him tomorrow and everyonce in a while added “Are you sure?”

I never called.

I did have another blind date set up by one of my friends later in life. That wasn’t a good date either, since he was weird and unattractive. During that date I kept thinking about my date with Lizard Tongue and how I didn’t learn a very valuable lesson: DON’T GO OUT WITH PEOPLE UNLESS YOU EITHER VIEWED A PICTURE OR SEEN THEM IN PERSON.

Douche Bags and More Douche Bags: the continuing saga.

I just want to say I’m not completely innocent. I have my moments 🙂 My last post may lead people to believe that I have my nose in the air about sex. If a guy propositions me on the first date, I’m not all offended and think “I’m not a SLUT.” I’m not mentally still in jr. high where slut shaming is widespread. Many of us are taught as children that “bad girls have sex with boys,” so we divide into camps…girls that do and girls that don’t…then beat each other down. If a gal wants to have sex with a guy on the first date, MORE POWER TO HER. I’ve just found that guys are not too “giving,” if you know what I mean, when sex is just a one and done bumping of the uglies…so I figure why bother.

I also want to clarify that I’m currently in the “off” stage of online dating, so the blog is going to describe dates from weeks/months/years past for now. GOATEE Guy was a momentary jump back into online dating out of frustration with men and dating. I think I just wanted to torture myself and others after being told by someone that I was interested in wasn’t interested in me. Le sigh.

Well, while I don’t have any current douche bags in the dating queue…I’ll just describe other douche bags from past dates. Fun, fun.

Last summer I did a short stint on Match in Denver. I joined the paid online dating world…again…with 2 other friends. It was fun to swap stories regarding the dating sludge we were wading through. When going to unsafe waters, bring a buddy! At first, I barely received emails from anyone. I was a bit perturbed because when I was first on Match in my late 20s, I would sign up and expect 30 or so emails in my inbox in the first weekend. The experience was different in September 2011 because at the time I was 34 years old and no longer in the prime of breeding age. Plus, Denver is a smaller city than Philadelphia. Due to a small amount of emails coming my way, I was a little more relaxed on my communication rules and set up a time to meet the very same night I started emailing Handsy Virgil. Yep, his real name was Virgil. This is the one guy where I will use his real name because I think he deserves to be called out for being a dick.

Many of my Facebook friends may remember this update I posted soon after the date: “Went on a date tonight, and based on that date I will give free dating advice to my single male friends out there. When a girl shifts her weight so you don’t keep touching her, pulls her hand away when you grab it, and repeatedly asks you not to touch her when you are giving her a back rub in a bar…it doesn’t mean she’s ‘uptight.’ That word should not escape your lips and expect a 2nd date.”

I think if a person pays attention, she/he will notice whether her/his date would be open to touch. Start small. Don’t just grab her/his hand. Virgil didn’t notice I was trying to be nice by subtly dodging his hands as he reached for me several times. When he went to the bathroom, I looked at the door and contemplated running for it. I didn’t…opportunity missed. When he walked behind me to take his seat, he grabbed my shoulders and squeezed them to give me a massage. I was no longer on subtle mode…I said in a forceful manner “Don’t touch me” two times. I was very proud of myself in that moment…it takes a lot for me to stand up for myself and not deflect what is happening to me in a joke. Which makes his next statement all the more annoying. Here’s a girl clearly upset and standing up for herself and all he has to say is “Lighten up. You’re too uptight. If you want to date me, then you’re going to have to be okay with me touching you.” I agreed…that touching is important, but not when a girl doesn’t want it or is giving signals that she isn’t interested in being touched.

I still stuck around on the date like a moron. I made nice, nice for the rest of the date and he didn’t touch me after our confrontation. However, he apparently didn’t learn his lesson. Outside the restaurant he asked if I wanted to continue the date on his porch (he lived around the corner) and drink a beer with him. I declined, the word roofie crossed my mind, and I headed to my car.

On the way home I received this text message “Hey good looking. Was so nice to meet you. But I’m no good at games. Take care :)” My response: “I wasn’t playing a game. The touchy feely dirty old man game wasn’t my style.”

I added a new dating mantra after Virgil, “stand up for yourself and do it forcefully.” There is also a dating lesson here for ladies reading this post…if you meet a man named Virgil online in Denver…run away.

At Least Buy Me Dinner

I will fully admit that I’m a bit obnoxious on Facebook. I like to break through social norms and post about farting and make sexual jokes. Okay, I can also be obnoxious in person too. I think I’m charming when I grab my roller derby teammates butts and sexually harass them by making obscene gestures. I hope they think of me as charming as well. As an online dater, however, I can be very prudish in comparison. I’ve learned my lesson in the past, I try to think before I say something. Being aware of how I’m perceived helps not lead men to think that I’m online for just a hook-up, but sometimes I still get propositioned.

When I first moved to Denver, a mutual friend told me about the free online dating website Plenty Of Fish. The word FREE (say it with me boys and girls…FREEEEE) grabbed my attention. Match can be about $35 a month (the price goes down per month the longer a person signs up) and eHarmony is about $60 a month (the price goes down per month the longer a person signs up). I signed up for online dating through Plenty Of Fish very soon after that conversation, and I was excited to see that I had received a bunch of emails (the sharks sensed fresh meat floating in the cesspool of free online dating). Over the next few weeks, I received quite a few emails looking for a “bang-buddy.” The emails were very nice…something along the lines of “Hi, I liked your profile and I thought you were attractive. I’m not interested in a relationship right now, but if you would like to get together for a sexual encounter I would love to hang out with you.” Very gentlemanly. I would always reply” no” and thank them for their honesty. At first, I was perturbed. What about my profile said, “Sex with no strings attached”? Then I realized that these guys did me a favor. I didn’t have to waste time on a date and get excited about the cute guy I’m sitting across from, only to be asked if I wanted to go back to his place. That has happened to me several times. I’ll share two of my favorite stories.

— When I was on Match back in Philly, I was asked out by a very cute tall man who volunteered as a Big Brother (outstanding cute citizen, right?). We met at a coffee shop where he bought me a coffee and stared at my boobs while I nervously tried to carry on a conversation. After 45 minutes, he asked if I was interested in going back to his place. WTF…at least buy me dinner before asking me to screw you…meeting me out for an f’ing $5 Starbucks coffee was insulting. I said something along the lines of “Uhh…I don’t even know your last name.” The goodbye was awkward. I was naive enough to hope he still liked me, but after “rejecting” him he was pretty much trying to ignore me and get out of the parking lot.

— I received an email on Plenty Of Fish asking me out for sushi. Sushi in a land locked state is kinda expensive, but this guy made it clear that he was in the mood for sushi. About an hour into the date he turns to me and says, “So, you want to go back to my place?” I guess the look on my face said “no”, so he immediately took the question back and said, “I’m just kidding…just kidding.” After 20 seconds of awkwardness, he said “No, really, do you want to go back to my place” only to state he was kidding immediately following the question. I know he did the same cycle a third time…I can’t remember if he did it a fourth time. Well, we’ll just say that I was kinda fed up and annoyed. This guy was clearly a moron. We parted ways soon after.

Going through the above situations (and other situations like them) has made me more observant of the men online. Actually, I’ve become pretty adept at identifying men who will try to get in my pants on the first date. Most of the time I can identify the douche bag guys before I go on the actual date (douche bag M.O. = after I would respond to the guy’s initial email, the follow up would be to give me his number and suggest we get together). I find if I get at least a couple of back and forth emails plus a phone call, then the man is legitimately looking for someone to date. The men that are just looking for sex don’t want to waste time chatting back and forth. I’m sure that this is not always the case…maybe some men try to schedule a date right away because women (and men) can get bored after a bit and don’t write back. I always secretly hope the man rushing to a date is a nice guy, but 95% of the time I am right that the guy is just trying to bang me.

After a couple of months on Plenty Of Fish, I set up my email to receive only emails from men that indicated they want a relationship or to date (other choices: Hang out, Friendship, Intimate Encounter, Activity Partner). Apparently, not setting my email parameters indicated I was up for ANYTHING. The email settings seemed to curb the bang-buddy emails, although I do every once in a while get an email such as “Are you nasty?’…but, whatevs. I will admit, that after turning 34 years old I relaxed my email settings and allow different types of men to contact me. I have yet to receive a bang-buddy email this past year. I guess I’m too old now. Blerg, I was hoping for some more good stories!!! Anyhoodle, this post brings up another dating mantra “women are worth more than a cup of coffee…make ’em work for it.”

Spark…spark…spark…spark…spark.

During my online dating years, I’ve developed a few dating mantras. The first dating mantra that I will discuss is “don’t waste anyone’s time…including your own.”

Looking back at my more “successful” dating relationships, I’ve noticed that I had an initial spark on the first date. This spark is RARE. Lacking the initial spark is oftentimes the reason that I do not go on a second date with men. Well, let me clarify…

*50% of the time the second date didn’t happen because I didn’t feel a SPARK;
*30% of the time the second date didn’t happen because my date was a complete douchebag; and
*20% of the time the second date didn’t happen because my date wasn’t interested in a second date.

That 20% seems low, doesn’t it? What am I conceited? No…at least I don’t think soooo…and I’ll list the reasons why I set the percentage at 20%:

1) I am able to track my own interest, but cannot fully track the interest/lack of interest in the other dating party. I haven’t been on too many dates where a man specifically states that he isn’t interested, which skews this percentage.
2) Men are better at weeding out the women they would not be interested in dating during the “I’m checking out your pictures” phase and just don’t write the initial email or reply to my email.
3) I have to like them for them to not be interested (pessimistic, I know). It’s like one of those “If this…then that” scenarios. If Ms. Spider likes a guy, then said guy will have no interested in Ms. Spider.
4) Lastly, a good portion of the men that aren’t interested in dating me are in the 30% douchebag category. Wait, I don’t expect everyone will like me…I’m not that vain. I have found (more often than not) when some men realize there is no interest within a short time of meeting me they still ask if I’ll sleep with them. I imagine the mentality is, “I paid for the dinner might as well get something out of it.”

Okay, this isn’t exact science…but you get the idea’r.

There was a time in my life when I thought my interest for someone would grow over time. I dated someone for 2 years hoping that one day I would have an “ah-ha, I love this guy” moment, but it never came. So, basically I wasted that man’s time (We’ll call him Overly Hairy Back). Was it Overly Hairy Back’s back that made me not love him? Possibly…he asked me to shave his back every once in a while as a girlfriend duty….gag and shudder. At the time, I did want to LOVE him because he was such a nice guy, but I just couldn’t.

After Overly Hairy Back and I broke it off and he finished crying on my Mom’s shoulder, a short time later we both started to online date (so began my online dating history). About 3 – 6 months later, he met his “soul mate” on eHarmony. He is now married with a kid (last I heard). I, on the other hand, continued to online date looking for someone to call my boyfriend for a relatively short time (in the years range).

In my early 30s, I met a man on the online dating website Match (We’ll call him Heartbreak in Philly) who I dated for a year…the one and only man that made the year mark…and he broke my heart. Heartbreak in Philly was my karma. He told me in my basement as he was breaking up with me that he wanted to LOVE me because I was such a nice girl, but alas, he still loved an ex-girlfriend. Only a few months after breaking up with Heartbreak in Philly, I moved to Denver to start a new life and see what “Menver” had to offer.

What I learned: If you don’t have feelings for someone, then release him back into the dating pool to find the person that WILL LOVE him.