I think I’m pretty good at reading (understanding) people. Oftentimes I am able to figure out what someone is communicating based on subtle “tells.” I have an ex that makes gibberish sounds on the phone when he is ready to say goodbye (yablah do dah). Also, I have a friend that looks down and around the room when she wants to tell you something that she believes will be hard for you to hear. Some people have “tells” that you don’t want to see when it’s possibly aimed at you. I have a former friend that loved to talk about people. She would have a bit of a sneer when she was talking about someone. There were several times I met her at a mutual friend’s apartment, and when I walked in the air was thick with a bad feeling. I would look at my former friend’s face and see the sneer, knowing I was the subject matter.
When dating, I look for certain “tells” to show me that a person is interested (ie. wants to hang out, calls and/or texts, comments on how funny I am, let’s me know that girls that fart are pretty…normal stuff). It’s EASIER to tell if a man I’m dating is interested in me when he regularly does those behaviors. Regular communication is an easily identifiable “tell”…but I know people show interest in different ways. I do not need someone to call and/or text everyday. Maybe it’s being comfortable with myself in my 30s…dunno…or maybe it’s ’cause I have interests of my own (like roller derby).
I used to be demanding in my need for communication. In my late 20s I wanted men that I dated to call me every night. I was kinda a bitch about it too…lost a couple relationships because of it…oopsie. A few years ago, when I was dating Heartbreak In Philly (HBIP) we struggled in our relationship because he didn’t like to talk on the phone. Fifteen minutes tops was all he could stand. At the time I looked at his lack of interest in talking to me everyday as a bad sign, but I should have looked at it as a positive. He hated the phone yet talked to me everyday to make me happy…or just shut my whiny ass up.
Communication as a “tell” in my recent dating history:
The Body called me almost everyday when we were dating, which I appreciated because it was (in my mind) proof of his interest level. There was a point at the end of our relationship where the amount of contact started to decrease. It may have been in reaction to something I said and/or it may have been a sign of his lessening interest. Here and there, at the start of our “issues”, he would just sit and listen without adding anything to the conversation. This was a little confusing for me since he told me that I talked too much. I told him how much it bothered me when he called and barely talked. I asked him why he bothered to call me (I thought maybe he was calling out of some sort of obligation). He sweetly replied (paraphrased): “I call because I’m thinking of you….” It was sweet, but he did start to call me less.
For the past 3 weeks, every morning, Massively Tall Guy sent me a “Good morning” text around 8 or 9 am and continued to send random texts throughout the day (mostly about the gym). The amount of texts he sent started to lessen during the week after I had told him I was struggling with finding a spark. Then, last Friday I noticed around 3 pm I didn’t hear from him all day. No good morning text? Wha? I texted a short sentence and he responded fairly quickly…about going to the gym (boring asswipe). Later that evening he called me to say he thought we should “just be friends.” I was ok with this…I replaced his good morning texts with another man’s good morning texts (Dude from Brazil) last week (don’t hate the playa…hate the game).
Both The Body and Massively Tall Guy set a tone for how much they wanted to communicate then slowly took a couple steps back. I know that sometimes communication will slow down over time, but for both of these men it was a sign things were declining. I did see the signs that the relationships were ending ’cause I read the “tells.”
In the last couple of weeks I’ve been struggling with wondering if Ice Cream Mogul is “just not that into me” or really busy. Remember that stupid movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” (2009)? Mr. Mogul and his partner are working to open an ice cream shop, and the work is stressful. Plus, he is struggling to get through red tape with the city of Denver. Looking at our text history, he generally is responsive after I text within a minute or less. Yet, I will be the initiator of our communication, and I may not hear from him for 3 or 4 days until I bite the bullet and send a text (Note: Sometimes when I discuss Ice cream Mogul and his lack of attention I have told friends that it takes him over a week for us to communicate. Apparently, I have a talent for blowing things out of proportion). Last week, I only had one short text exchange with Ice cream Mogul, but decided to bite the bullet and send an invitation to join me to watch my teammates skate at the Fillmore. He responded immediately that he was excited to join me and we flirted over text for 20 minutes…fist pump.
During the game Ice cream Mogul was very attentive through his body language, his touch, and his eye contact. He didn’t miss an opportunity to touch me or pull me close…even with my friends surrounding us. His attentiveness increased throughout the night through witnessing butt slaps and nipple strokes from my teammates. That night and the next day at scrimmage I received compliments on my date’s attractiveness (he is HOT…wiggles eyebrows). I always replied thank you with a smile, but I didn’t miss an opportunity to tell my friends/teammates about his lack of attentiveness. This was a big mistake on my part. I should learn to focus on the positive aspect that he is attentive in different ways and I shouldn’t focus on finding the “tells.” I got so used to things ending with guys lately that I have to given myself an excuse to not get too excited about Ice cream Mogul. However, as I wrote this blog I thought about my bad behavior. I’ve decided to just relax and take it easy. If he likes me he will let me know in other ways. Meanwhile I’ll just enjoy the hotness and see that as a positive…and BE more positive.