Spark…spark…spark…spark…spark.

During my online dating years, I’ve developed a few dating mantras. The first dating mantra that I will discuss is “don’t waste anyone’s time…including your own.”

Looking back at my more “successful” dating relationships, I’ve noticed that I had an initial spark on the first date. This spark is RARE. Lacking the initial spark is oftentimes the reason that I do not go on a second date with men. Well, let me clarify…

*50% of the time the second date didn’t happen because I didn’t feel a SPARK;
*30% of the time the second date didn’t happen because my date was a complete douchebag; and
*20% of the time the second date didn’t happen because my date wasn’t interested in a second date.

That 20% seems low, doesn’t it? What am I conceited? No…at least I don’t think soooo…and I’ll list the reasons why I set the percentage at 20%:

1) I am able to track my own interest, but cannot fully track the interest/lack of interest in the other dating party. I haven’t been on too many dates where a man specifically states that he isn’t interested, which skews this percentage.
2) Men are better at weeding out the women they would not be interested in dating during the “I’m checking out your pictures” phase and just don’t write the initial email or reply to my email.
3) I have to like them for them to not be interested (pessimistic, I know). It’s like one of those “If this…then that” scenarios. If Ms. Spider likes a guy, then said guy will have no interested in Ms. Spider.
4) Lastly, a good portion of the men that aren’t interested in dating me are in the 30% douchebag category. Wait, I don’t expect everyone will like me…I’m not that vain. I have found (more often than not) when some men realize there is no interest within a short time of meeting me they still ask if I’ll sleep with them. I imagine the mentality is, “I paid for the dinner might as well get something out of it.”

Okay, this isn’t exact science…but you get the idea’r.

There was a time in my life when I thought my interest for someone would grow over time. I dated someone for 2 years hoping that one day I would have an “ah-ha, I love this guy” moment, but it never came. So, basically I wasted that man’s time (We’ll call him Overly Hairy Back). Was it Overly Hairy Back’s back that made me not love him? Possibly…he asked me to shave his back every once in a while as a girlfriend duty….gag and shudder. At the time, I did want to LOVE him because he was such a nice guy, but I just couldn’t.

After Overly Hairy Back and I broke it off and he finished crying on my Mom’s shoulder, a short time later we both started to online date (so began my online dating history). About 3 – 6 months later, he met his “soul mate” on eHarmony. He is now married with a kid (last I heard). I, on the other hand, continued to online date looking for someone to call my boyfriend for a relatively short time (in the years range).

In my early 30s, I met a man on the online dating website Match (We’ll call him Heartbreak in Philly) who I dated for a year…the one and only man that made the year mark…and he broke my heart. Heartbreak in Philly was my karma. He told me in my basement as he was breaking up with me that he wanted to LOVE me because I was such a nice girl, but alas, he still loved an ex-girlfriend. Only a few months after breaking up with Heartbreak in Philly, I moved to Denver to start a new life and see what “Menver” had to offer.

What I learned: If you don’t have feelings for someone, then release him back into the dating pool to find the person that WILL LOVE him.