Know Your Audience

I think I’m pretty good at reading (understanding) people.  Oftentimes I am able to figure out what someone is communicating based on subtle “tells.”  I have an ex that makes gibberish sounds on the phone when he is ready to say goodbye (yablah do dah).  Also, I have a friend that looks down and around the room when she wants to tell you something that she believes will be hard for you to hear.  Some people have “tells” that you don’t want to see when it’s possibly aimed at you.  I have a former friend that loved to talk about people.  She would have a bit of a sneer when she was talking about someone.  There were several times I met her at a mutual friend’s apartment, and when I walked in the air was thick with a bad feeling.  I would look at my former friend’s face and see the sneer, knowing I was the subject matter.

When dating, I look for certain “tells” to show me that a person is interested (ie. wants to hang out, calls and/or texts, comments on how funny I am, let’s me know that girls that fart are pretty…normal stuff).  It’s EASIER to tell if a man I’m dating is interested in me when he regularly does those behaviors.  Regular communication is an easily identifiable “tell”…but I know people show interest in different ways.  I do not need someone to call and/or text everyday.  Maybe it’s being comfortable with myself in my 30s…dunno…or maybe it’s ’cause I have interests of my own (like roller derby).

I used to be demanding in my need for communication.  In my late 20s I wanted men that I dated to call me every night.  I was kinda a bitch about it too…lost a couple relationships because of it…oopsie.  A few years ago, when I was dating Heartbreak In Philly (HBIP) we struggled in our relationship because he didn’t like to talk on the phone.  Fifteen minutes tops was all he could stand.  At the time I looked at his lack of interest in talking to me everyday as a bad sign, but I should have looked at it as a positive.  He hated the phone yet talked to me everyday to make me happy…or just shut my whiny ass up.

Communication as a “tell” in my recent dating history:

The Body called me almost everyday when we were dating, which I appreciated because it was (in my mind) proof of his interest level.  There was a point at the end of our relationship where the amount of contact started to decrease.  It may have been in reaction to something I said and/or it may have been a sign of his lessening interest.  Here and there, at the start of our “issues”, he would just sit and listen without adding anything to the conversation.  This was a little confusing for me since he told me that I talked too much.  I told him how much it bothered me when he called and barely talked.  I asked him why he bothered to call me (I thought maybe he was calling out of some sort of obligation).  He sweetly replied (paraphrased): “I call because I’m thinking of you….”   It was sweet, but he did start to call me less.

For the past 3 weeks, every morning, Massively Tall Guy sent me a “Good morning” text around 8 or 9 am and continued to send random texts throughout the day (mostly about the gym).  The amount of texts he sent started to lessen during the week after I had told him I was struggling with finding a spark.  Then, last Friday I noticed around 3 pm I didn’t hear from him all day.  No good morning text?  Wha?  I texted a short sentence and he responded fairly quickly…about going to the gym (boring asswipe).  Later that evening he called me to say he thought we should “just be friends.”  I was ok with this…I replaced his good morning texts with another man’s good morning texts (Dude from Brazil) last week (don’t hate the playa…hate the game).

Both The Body and Massively Tall Guy set a tone for how much they wanted to communicate then slowly took a couple steps back.  I know that sometimes communication will slow down over time, but for both of these men it was a sign things were declining.  I did see the signs that the relationships were ending ’cause I read the “tells.”

In the last couple of weeks I’ve been struggling with wondering if Ice Cream Mogul is “just not that into me” or really busy.  Remember that stupid movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” (2009)?  Mr. Mogul and his partner are working to open an ice cream shop, and the work is stressful.  Plus, he is struggling to get through red tape with the city of Denver.  Looking at our text history, he generally is responsive after I text within a minute or less.  Yet, I will be the initiator of our communication, and I may not hear from him for 3 or 4 days until I bite the bullet and send a text (Note: Sometimes when I discuss Ice cream Mogul and his lack of attention I have told friends that it takes him over a week for us to communicate.  Apparently, I have a talent for blowing things out of proportion).  Last week, I only had one short text exchange with Ice cream Mogul, but decided to bite the bullet and send an invitation to join me to watch my teammates skate at the Fillmore.  He responded immediately that he was excited to join me and we flirted over text for 20 minutes…fist pump.

During the game Ice cream Mogul was very attentive through his body language, his touch, and his eye contact.  He didn’t miss an opportunity to touch me or pull me close…even with my friends surrounding us.  His attentiveness increased throughout the night through witnessing butt slaps and nipple strokes from my teammates.  That night and the next day at scrimmage I received compliments on my date’s attractiveness (he is HOT…wiggles eyebrows).  I always replied thank you with a smile, but I didn’t miss an opportunity to tell my friends/teammates about his lack of attentiveness.  This was a big mistake on my part.  I should learn to focus on the positive aspect that he is attentive in different ways and I shouldn’t focus on finding the “tells.”  I got so used to things ending with guys lately that I have to given myself an excuse to not get too excited about Ice cream Mogul.  However, as I wrote this blog I thought about my bad behavior.  I’ve decided to just relax and take it easy.  If he likes me he will let me know in other ways.  Meanwhile I’ll just enjoy the hotness and see that as a positive…and BE more positive.

Spark Bitches

I covered my need / want for a spark on the first date in my previous blog Spark…spark…spark…spark…spark.

Soooo…dear reader, I’m struggling.  Only a few months ago, I was dating three men and felt a spark on the first date with each of them.  It’s rare for me to feel a spark with someone off the bat, so for me to feel it with three men around the same time was really odd / wonderful.  I’ve been on Match for 3 weeks and have gone out on dates with four different men.  Unfortunately, I’ve been struggling with finding the spark.

I told my coffee buddy about Massively Tall Guy on our walk this morning.  I described my struggle because I just didn’t feel a spark…he’s cute and all…but I just don’t know.  My coffee buddy told me that I probably had the online dating syndrome that believes “there will always be someone better around the corner.”  I agreed.  I probably do have that syndrome.  However, I explained, Massively Tall Guy yells at his dog (a beautiful fawn year old Great Dane) waaay too much…he smokes waay too much…he talks about his ex waaay too much.  I know some people think that bringing up an ex is a nail in the coffin.  However, for me, referencing an ex isn’t a horrible thing.  Sometimes people reference things in the past that involve an ex.  It’s going to happen.  I’m just not keen on listening to stories about an ex every time we hang out together.  If we’re having a conversation, how am I supposed to converse and add my life element to another person’s story about their ex?  We have no common ground on this subject matter…my ex’s weren’t totally crazy and none were women.  There was one bright light a couple days ago when Massively Tall Guy asked me about my previous relationships.  I thought, “Wow, he actually asked a question about me.  Awesome.”  I went into a story for 2 minutes only to be interrupted with a story about his ex and their breakup.  I find myself at a loss to know what to talk about…YEAH…ME…It’s kinda rare for me to not know what to talk about.  The only other conversation subject matter that we’ve touched upon besides his ex is exercising / body building.  I’ve lifted weights since I was 18 years old.  I like doing the activity, but don’t really like it enough to have a 2 hour conversation about it.

I had a date tonight with Chef, and I thought he was cute.  We had great conversation.  He had nice eyes.  He wore very stylish glasses…aaaannnndddd he wore a fedora (I love a man who wears glasses…fedoras, I’m on the fence about).  Chef asked if we could see each other again, and I will go out with him again to see if a spark develops.  However, I drove away from the date feeling a little meh…sparking the need to write this blog entry.

I did have a spark with one guy.  Ice Cream Mogul was tall, cute, had a wonderful smile and big green eyes.  I laughed the whole night we were together.  When someone makes me laugh it triggers a very strong spark.  We played darts and sipped beer.  At one point in the night he touched my arm and rubbed his hand up and down my arm.  He was rubbing the silicone pebbles from a shuffle board table up and down my arm to “exfoliate”…believe me it was magic.  Ice Cream Mogul is opening an ice cream shop with his partner in the Highlands.  If you are friends with me on facebook, you can see what different things I “liked” recently, so you can surmise what ice cream shop I’m talking about.  He is in the last row of a black and white picture taken of the group of employees.  He is also wearing a Superman costume in a video they created for the Harlem Shake.  Ice Cream Mogul has fallen off the face of the Earth since our date.  I have only received one text since last Wednesday.  I’m not quite sure if I’m being blown off or he really is that busy.  I’m thinkin’ I’m being blown off.  Since he was a cool guy and just moved here from NYC, I’ll probably check back with him in a week or two to see how he is doing.  He admitted he doesn’t have many friends, so possibly I’ll have a new funny friend to show around Denver.

A Time to Heal

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up… – Turn! Turn! Turn!, The Byrds.  Try not to sing that muthafucking song all day.  Mwua ha ha ha.

Can’t sleep, so I’ll blog. Tonight, I gave out a bit of advice to a friend on the phone.  I advised said friend to be alone for a while because everyone needs to mourn the loss of a previous relationship.  I didn’t take my own advice before I signed up for online dating recently.  I signed up for Match the very next day after The Body and I had our bye-bye discussion.  Unfortunately, I believe I’m having issues being open to anything after not allowing myself time to heal.

This week in my Match world:

So far I’ve mentioned Computer Guy who was borderline…well, borderline something.  I’m not a doctor.  Luckily, Computer Guy didn’t send any more texts after Sunday.

I went on a date with a Lawyer from Durango that misrepresented himself in pictures.  I found myself bored with his conversation.  When the hot manager at Atomic Cowboy came up to raise the descended blind next to our booth, I smiled and started a conversation with him.  I know this manager knows me and hopefully secretly finds me appealing too.  I’m in there all the time and he has mentioned in the past that pizza with bacon and banana peppers is his favorite too (it’s what I always order).  I know that was kinda disrespectful of me to flirt with someone in front of the man I was on a date with…but my god the HOTNESS.

I have an upcoming date on Wednesday to play darts with Ice Cream Mogul.  This man was an advertising executive in NY for a very LARGE producer of cable tv.  He quit after surviving several years of 80 hour work weeks to open an ice cream chain in Colorado.  He seems uber attractive from his pictures (please oh please oh please).  He made me laugh a lot when we talked.  He was surprised I even called him back after he left his first voicemail.  The message consisted of him talking to my voicemail then yelling at his GPS to “shut up, I’m trying to talk to Laurie.”  He said goodbye and sighed right before he hung up.  I found that particularly charming ’cause I’m terrible at being brief when leaving a voice message.  Ok, this guy sparks some interest…even though I’m lactarded.

I have a future date set up with Chef next week.  Chef grew up in Pennsylvania like me.  He had been calling all last weekend to chat, but due to lack of sleep I slept through his call and couldn’t quite fit in another phone call.  He didn’t seemed fazed.  I told him to call me to chat Monday night at 8:30 pm.  I totally forgot he was supposed to call and was on my way to Massively Tall Guy’s house for a visit.  Luckily Massively Tall Guy lives in Bumblefuck (Lakewood) and I had some time to talk.  Seems like a real cool guy on the phone and he mentioned that he had “houses” so…there’s that.  I remember getting off the phone and feeling drained.  Feeling drained from my recent breakup that left me the inability to be excited for anyone.  Plus, I am juggling again…rushing off the phone to meet the next guy…stressful.

I’ve also mentioned Massively Tall Guy in a previous blog.  I’ll tell you a bit more about him.  Massively Tall Guy and I met for drinks at Hanson’s pub near Wash Park.  After an hour, he suggested we go to either the Grizzly Rose or the Electric Cowboy.  We elected to go to the Electric Cowboy, which is the BEST place for watching white trash people try to mate.  I believe I was observing a Nova mating rituals video right before my eyes.  It was glorious.  So after a bit, Massively Tall Guy got me out on the dance floor.  I actually went out there with him willingly (possibly because he told me that a previous relationship was a woman who danced competitively).  He fared better than the guy in my previous blog Nurse Guy.  At one point we danced to a slow song and he kissed me on the dance floor.  Now, this would have been something that would have sent chills down my spine from the pure chick flick moment…but I wasn’t that excited.  I have seen him 3x in the last 4 days. Since the second date there are glimmers of excitement now and again.

Good things about Massively Tall Guy: He is 6’10” and has modeled for a Nike campaign in the past.  People turn their heads when we walk into a bar together, and they are not looking at me in my bright yellow coat.  He has a similar look to Alec Baldwin (when he was in Beetlejuice…young and hot Alec).  He has eyes that are a piercing blue green, and I rarely miss an opportunity to look at them.   Massively Tall Guy ended his last relationship 11 months ago and is very much ready to be in a serious relationship.  He even invited me to Cheyenne, WY to visit his friends at the end of March (overnight visit…so we’ll have to figure out the logistics for that soon).  I’m not going to say he’s perfect for me, but he’s pretty darn good.  He’s ready for a serious relationship…and I’m hoping to be ready at some point again ’cause I feel a bit damaged.