I will fully admit that I’m a bit obnoxious on Facebook. I like to break through social norms and post about farting and make sexual jokes. Okay, I can also be obnoxious in person too. I think I’m charming when I grab my roller derby teammates butts and sexually harass them by making obscene gestures. I hope they think of me as charming as well. As an online dater, however, I can be very prudish in comparison. I’ve learned my lesson in the past, I try to think before I say something. Being aware of how I’m perceived helps not lead men to think that I’m online for just a hook-up, but sometimes I still get propositioned.
When I first moved to Denver, a mutual friend told me about the free online dating website Plenty Of Fish. The word FREE (say it with me boys and girls…FREEEEE) grabbed my attention. Match can be about $35 a month (the price goes down per month the longer a person signs up) and eHarmony is about $60 a month (the price goes down per month the longer a person signs up). I signed up for online dating through Plenty Of Fish very soon after that conversation, and I was excited to see that I had received a bunch of emails (the sharks sensed fresh meat floating in the cesspool of free online dating). Over the next few weeks, I received quite a few emails looking for a “bang-buddy.” The emails were very nice…something along the lines of “Hi, I liked your profile and I thought you were attractive. I’m not interested in a relationship right now, but if you would like to get together for a sexual encounter I would love to hang out with you.” Very gentlemanly. I would always reply” no” and thank them for their honesty. At first, I was perturbed. What about my profile said, “Sex with no strings attached”? Then I realized that these guys did me a favor. I didn’t have to waste time on a date and get excited about the cute guy I’m sitting across from, only to be asked if I wanted to go back to his place. That has happened to me several times. I’ll share two of my favorite stories.
— When I was on Match back in Philly, I was asked out by a very cute tall man who volunteered as a Big Brother (outstanding cute citizen, right?). We met at a coffee shop where he bought me a coffee and stared at my boobs while I nervously tried to carry on a conversation. After 45 minutes, he asked if I was interested in going back to his place. WTF…at least buy me dinner before asking me to screw you…meeting me out for an f’ing $5 Starbucks coffee was insulting. I said something along the lines of “Uhh…I don’t even know your last name.” The goodbye was awkward. I was naive enough to hope he still liked me, but after “rejecting” him he was pretty much trying to ignore me and get out of the parking lot.
— I received an email on Plenty Of Fish asking me out for sushi. Sushi in a land locked state is kinda expensive, but this guy made it clear that he was in the mood for sushi. About an hour into the date he turns to me and says, “So, you want to go back to my place?” I guess the look on my face said “no”, so he immediately took the question back and said, “I’m just kidding…just kidding.” After 20 seconds of awkwardness, he said “No, really, do you want to go back to my place” only to state he was kidding immediately following the question. I know he did the same cycle a third time…I can’t remember if he did it a fourth time. Well, we’ll just say that I was kinda fed up and annoyed. This guy was clearly a moron. We parted ways soon after.
Going through the above situations (and other situations like them) has made me more observant of the men online. Actually, I’ve become pretty adept at identifying men who will try to get in my pants on the first date. Most of the time I can identify the douche bag guys before I go on the actual date (douche bag M.O. = after I would respond to the guy’s initial email, the follow up would be to give me his number and suggest we get together). I find if I get at least a couple of back and forth emails plus a phone call, then the man is legitimately looking for someone to date. The men that are just looking for sex don’t want to waste time chatting back and forth. I’m sure that this is not always the case…maybe some men try to schedule a date right away because women (and men) can get bored after a bit and don’t write back. I always secretly hope the man rushing to a date is a nice guy, but 95% of the time I am right that the guy is just trying to bang me.
After a couple of months on Plenty Of Fish, I set up my email to receive only emails from men that indicated they want a relationship or to date (other choices: Hang out, Friendship, Intimate Encounter, Activity Partner). Apparently, not setting my email parameters indicated I was up for ANYTHING. The email settings seemed to curb the bang-buddy emails, although I do every once in a while get an email such as “Are you nasty?’…but, whatevs. I will admit, that after turning 34 years old I relaxed my email settings and allow different types of men to contact me. I have yet to receive a bang-buddy email this past year. I guess I’m too old now. Blerg, I was hoping for some more good stories!!! Anyhoodle, this post brings up another dating mantra “women are worth more than a cup of coffee…make ’em work for it.”
Man Eating Spider 