Put Effort Into It

  
I received a simple “Hi!” one day. I decided to respond and let him know that I wasn’t interested. Note: I described his profile incorrectly in the email above. The man lists under “intent” that he just wants to date, but isn’t interested in anything serious. His about me paragraph just had, and I quote: “*******************************************************************************”

  
Standards….

Hmmm….Standards….

  
The About Me paragraph in a POF profile is a man/woman’s last chance to make a good impression. The About Me paragraph is the initial way I figure out if I’ll be interested in a man. I can also discern how I will react to him. For example:

1. Ability to use language in a skillful manner=I will find your text messages interesting and be excited to talk to you;

2. Ability to finish a task=Can’t even take 5 minutes to write something quick about yourself? I get shit done. I’ve dated lackadaisical men for short periods, and I didn’t like what I saw as my future. I will not become a nagging significant other. People who have a nagging personality annoy me. I refuse to waste my time being someone’s parent. 

3. Ability to weave humor into any situation=use the about me paragraph to describe yourself means I will enjoy our verbal tennis (back and forth jokes).

Hint ladies and germs: open up a little about yourself without fear of judgment and others will open up to you…or some shit.  

I Swiped Left

Got right to the point there…NOPE! Two isn’t always better than one…NOPE!

Combo of Jesus Christ and the flag in a profile…You better believe I’m gonna swipe left. NOPE!

While I admire you…NOPE!

NNOOOOOOPPPPPEEEEE!

Hmmmm…NOPE!

This was his only picture. One-third of me applauded him. Two-thirds of me said NOPE!

Sifting Through Profiles Yet Again

My crotch hurts just looking at this…

HAPPY SINGLES’ AWARENESS DAY

Sifting Through Profiles Again

I may write a guy based on this picture alone.

Morning Sunshine

This morning I found myself clicking on random profiles. Generally, my mornings are in the company of furry jerks holding me down after the alarm goes off, so I enjoy the moment and play with my phone. As I explore the Plenty of Fish app, I stumbled upon something that made me laugh and also shake my head in disgust. Someone’s main profile pic:

He is a 20 something that is obviously proud of himself. I feel strange. I have yet again experienced an unsolicited dick pic, but this time I have viewed the purple headed warrior without ever having to exchange emails.

I’ve Been Mooned

Looking for PenPals

This guy was in my list of “Matches.”

Figured I’d pass along the info…

America

Real Pretty emailed me with a screenshot of a small portion of an OkCupid profile.

A wonderful update indeed.  He’s gonna have to put a ring on it soon.   So, right now this self-summary doesn’t seem weird right?  Real Pretty outlined in an email some elements to his profile that we both thought were odd.  The part of his profile that seemed to teeter over the edge of normal was how adamant he was about his new love being an American.  Like, a pretty long history of American citizenship coursing through her veins (below).  You would think this guy was a racist individual, but he outlines later that he is open to several different types of women.

Here’s the rest of his profile:

There was more, but we skipped it because it just went on and on. So to sum up, this guy wanted an American woman with a nice curvy look and pretty face…who is also open to banging a ton…and will hit him…and squirt out a large family for him.  Annnndddd he found someone.  That is pretty fucking amazing.

America!

Hmm…What is With People and Crotch Shots?

Ever feel like you blew your load too early?  Like, said something before you had REALLY good example of what you were talking about?  So, a few days ago I posted a blog about a person stating that she wanted a relationship while posting overtly sexual pictures…and that…well…that shit is confusing.  Please see previous blog “Big Tits.”

Via a recent text message, a good friend gave me a Plenty of Fish username to check out.  Twist my arm…I decided to go visit another woman’s profile.

As you can see, she is looking for a relationship…a long term one.  She also indicates in her About Me paragraph that she is looking for “more then [sic] a one night stand.”  At first glance, everything seems to be normal: 1) wants a relationship and 2) wants a long term relationship.  Wait…her main profile picture (just below) advertises that she wants…3) a penis.  Possibly a long term penis?  (Scrolls back up) Her profile indicates that she wants something long term.

Looks like she is trying to capture her long term relationship prey with sexy pictures: “Hey, after a few dates and you admit you love me, you can get wit’ dis ass.”  Draw ’em in and WHAM!  Little do the men know they are in for lunches with Mom and Dad…they just see da ass and write.

Her main profile picture wasn’t the only picture that was sexual.  The rest of her pictures were trying to pop boners in order to draw men into a long term relationship.  I’m not going to go into describing all her pictures, but I will tell you that all of her pictures were pretty…and she had a look like “I will blow you ’til your dick falls off.”  Well, that look was present in most of her pictures…except the 6th picture in the series.  I saw it and my jaw dropped.

Yes.  This was one of her pictures.  I didn’t crop anything.

I gotta say that I’m not a big fan of the carpet.  The BLUE carpet people…she apparently doesn’t have any carpet between her legs.

I’m not sure what to make of this profile.  At first, I thought maybe her ex-boyfriend was an asshole and created a fake profile.  Then, I realized an ex-boyfriend would have put the sexy pictures up AND included a sexual advertisement for as many people as possible.  Plus, an ex-boyfriend possibly would have inserted a personal cell number in paragraph.  That happened to me before.

I don’t think this was a case of the ex.  What ex-boyfriend lines up a long term relationship for his girlfriend as a payback?  I can only surmise that this gal is using her sexuality to get a guy to promise to be her boyfriend.  Doesn’t she know that guys will promise anything when offered sex?  I learned this leason in my 20s…I learned that lesson more often than I would like to admit.  It’s like that scene in Team America: World Police where Lisa is talking with Gary and says:

Lisa: Promise me you’ll never die.
Gary: You know I can’t promise that.
Lisa: If you did that, I would make love to you right now.
Gary: I promise.  I will never die.

To sum up: Sexy pictures = penis.  Sexy pictures do not necessarily = long term penis.  Sexy crotch shot = a lot of people making eye contact with your crotch.  Oh, I should also say here for all my readers to see that I’m sorry…sorry for judging Big Tits and her demure crotch shot.  I hope somewhere in Denver Big Tits knows I am sorry.

Online Dating is Educational

Recently, I saw a man’s profile that listed what he learned online dating:

I thought he was funny in his profile, but there were a couple things that I saw that made me think he wasn’t the right one for me.

Meh.  Maybe if he was a penile implant extraordinaire.  Aim higher buddy.